
"After years of catering exclusively to depressed, lonely men in their 30s, Kraft is proud to present a product for people who are capable of experiencing love and happiness," Kraft CEO Irene Rosenfeld said at a press conference. "No longer will couples who have a mutual craving for processed American cheese have to endure the hassle of unwrapping two individual slices."
Kraft's newest cheese product has mended troubled relationships.
According to Rosenfeld, the Kraft Doubles will be packaged side by side in the brand's iconic twice-folded cellophane sheath. Once the rectangular orange product has been removed from its wrapper, lovers can easily separate the slices into two equal portions by carefully tearing along the perforated line in the center of the Double. At this point, it is recommended couples gingerly roll up the slices and feed them to each another.
"Kraft Doubles are the perfect snack for any romantic occasion, including picnics in the park, moonlit strolls along the beach, and sexual intercourse," Rosenfeld said. "Finally, the great taste of Kraft American cheese and the feeling of warmth that comes from tender affection with another human being can be enjoyed simultaneously."
















